I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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