Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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