Ambien. No doubt about it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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