Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
