Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
