We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
