I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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