She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
