Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
