So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
