Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
