I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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