Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
