if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
