woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
