I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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