Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wish I only lived at night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
