Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
