My nipple is on Facebook.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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