no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
