I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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