Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
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