did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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