she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I forget how to act sober
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
