There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
