remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
