I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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