I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
