I wish my penis had an off switch
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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