I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
