why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
