a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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