I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
