My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
