I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
