Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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