if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
