I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
