I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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