i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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