No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
