You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
