its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
