Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
