You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
