Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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