Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
