Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
