your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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