Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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