never play flip cup with pint glasses
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
sarcasm needs its own font
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
