I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
