When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
