You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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