I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
