I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
